I’m in desperate need to learn how to relax. I find it difficult to switch off and stop thinking about the future. I’m one of those people who finds it difficult to enjoy the moment and am always thinking a step ahead. I seem to find comfort in planning even though I know plans rarely work out as you intended them too. I pressure myself to do too many things but when I have time I get bored and am annoyed with myself that I haven’t planned anything useful to do. I try to spend most of my waking hours being productive in whatever sense that might be, either working, learning, cleaning, spending time with my husband, trying to make friends, meet friends, exercise. I hate wasting time without a purpose. Having said that, most evenings when I come home from work I just sit down and play Majong on the tablet (a game like solitaire). This then annoys me again and the cycle begins. I started doing this Behavioural Therapy course online to help me change my thinking patters. The theory suggests that we create our emotions with our thoughts and we’ve got some control over our thoughts. I want to learn to direct my thoughts into a more positive world view and being kinder to myself.
In the end of the day…does all this matter? We are going to die one day and nobody cares if we were happy or not, it’s just us who care while we are alive. I feel so ungrateful that I’m constantly moaning or finding fault with my life. I’ve got it all. I have enough money to buy whatever I need, I’ve got a place I call home, I’ve got a lovely husband with whom I’m very happy and I’m healthy! WTF is my problem?